What’s the starting point to raising a self-confident daughter and empowering adolescent girls? You.

This is the bottom line: if you want your preteen or teen daughter to be confident now and to embody confidence throughout her life (and why wouldn’t you? You know what a great person she is and will continue to become), you, too, have to embody genuine self-confidence. Media messages tell us to find our inner rock star and inner child (yikes!) and to “get our cowgirl on.” But the starting point for being a self-confident parent can be the same: find your inner self-confident parent. Be the parent. Be the self-confident adult.

If you can’t muster what this means, begin by being like the adult you admired most for his or her effectiveness with children when you were growing up. Go there. Imitate what you found admirable.

My uncle John was a life-long bachelor with no children of his own, but he knew how to rally his nieces and nephews into organized action. Where other adults yelled and dictated, John just was and his manner got my cousins and me to act from our better selves. John’s way was honest, focused, lively and present. If John had told me to take my medicine or to stop crying or play fair, I would. He got me to eat burnt toast. He made me think staying home was more fun than going shopping. He never scolded. He never criticized. He was an adult with self-confidence and self-knowing.

We declare what we want to be when we grow up: a veterinarian, a writer, an actor, singer, astronaut, doctor, teacher. And someone inspiring represents that occupation to us, someone admirable who we want to be like. Maybe we want to be like this person more than we want to do what she or he does for a living.

But few of us aspire to great parenting in the same way.

To be more confident and impart confidence to your daughter, begin with your body language. Ask yourself now: what gets me to a state of being self-confident in my own skin? What is the answer? Identify and engage what that is.

A few years ago, after any session of working out with my trainer, Jeff, I was easily in a state of greater self-confidence. Jeff put me through the ropes. He challenged me and had me do things I never thought I could. It was a mental workout, as well as a physical workout. After showering and dressing I rarely put on makeup, but, thanks to the effect of the workout, more people were attracted to me because I had the glow of heightened energy and confidence. People I didn’t know wanted to be with me. If I was in the grocery store, other shoppers offered to go to the front of the store to get me a cart; clerks gave me, free of charge, chocolates and tea and baked goods and, once, 50 pounds of puppy chow. That confidence of being me, and not what came from the “beauty” counter, was the real foundation I put on.

So begin by knowing what puts you in this kind of state. It is what your daughter needs to see and experience in you. Empowering adolescent girls: it includes their being around grown-ups whose self-confidence is genuine. And your own embodiment of self-confidence is one of the top ways you can teach your daughter to be her own fabulous, confident self now.

Heidi Olinger is the founder, president & CEO of Pretty Brainy, Inc. She has been a journalist, marketing director, executive director, foster parent, and aunt. “Being pretty brainy,” she writes, “is about believing in your capabilities and locating the self-confidence to act on your ambitions.”

Sorry about the delay with my blog for ’tween girls! I have been very busy with school!

I am very pleased with my school! Denver School of the Arts is a great school for what I do. I am in TECH (stage craft and design). Everyone at school calls us “techies.” This is the major where you create costumes, sets, music and lighting for the theatrical, dance and vocal shows or concerts! I specialize in costuming. I love to sketch and sew and style preteen clothes and someday would love to be a wedding dress designer. Other areas that you can major in are Vocal, Dance, Art, Music and Video Cinema! For now, I will have to keep watching Project Runway, studying trends (including ’tween trends) and hope that my dreams will come true! I just finished designing and sewing curtains for a friend of mine at school.

In addition to the Tech Program, I take academic classes like algebra, world history and language arts. I will be writing weekly about school, ’tween trends, ’tween fashion, and my other interests! Through this blog for ’tween girls, it’s going to be great to tell you about everything going on in my life as a Pretty Brainy Girl!

— Gianna

After we graduated from high school, my best friend, Steve, gave me a poster that read, “Limits exist only in your mind.” In my 40s I finally know the practical application of these words, but, at 18, I was too young, dumb and romantic to see the cause and effect at the heart of the quote, never mind the ways I was limiting myself. But, as for me in the 1970s, among the greatest lacks ′tween and teen girls have to cope with right now is not knowing how to critically think.

But hang with me. This blog is about to heat up.

In a “moms-like-me” post from Chicago (http://chicago.momslikeme.com/), a mom posted an image of six girls’ printed Ts from Hollister and asked, “Would you let your ′tweens wear this?”

Pictured left to right, here is what the shirts say:

“Girls just wanna have sun.”

“Legal-ISH.”

“What tan lines?”

“Save a wave. Ride a surfer.”

“I ♥ the woody.”

“The twins are quite a handful.”

Six moms responded to the post. The common feeling generated is that the messages are acceptable if worn by a girl 18 or older but “disgusting” for anyone younger. But one mom writes, “i honestly don’t see any problem with these shirts.”

Another mom comments, “I also don’t see anything wrong with the woody one either because that is a car but I can see other ppl taking that as another meaning.”

No kidding, Mom.

Hollister was banking on you saying that. They hoped you would soft-pedal the meaning to spend money on their shirt.

And while your daughter is wearing the shirt, how many men and boys who read the message plastered across the “twins” will be thinking “car” or “surfboard”?

The only message among the six that is not sexual is “Girls just wanna have sun.”

To the mom who interpreted “Legal-ISH” to mean her daughter could be thought to be doing something illegal, you’ve missed the innuendo big time (ask your daughter’s father what it means).

Put this T-shirt line in context and consider the viewpoint from which it was written: the teen mind of a boy with testosterone poisoning

Granted, girls of all ages talk trash with the girls. But it wasn’t the mind of a teen or ′tween girl who came up with these. Teen and ′tween girls may genuinely think the lines funny and the shirts “cute” because of color, styling, font, fabric, and so on. But a girl with the insight to understand the implications of “I ♥ the woody” across her chest, despite what all her friends are wearing, likely would not wear the shirt.

And that’s the point: what teen or ′tween girl has the depth and scope of experience to see that what she wears can make or break who she becomes in the world?

In general we do not help our children learn the significance of how they are seen by others. For example, how will teachers who see your daughter in a Hollister printed T perceive her academic capabilities? How will her being sized up by others who see her in “Ride a surfer” affect her getting a decent summer job? Placement in AP English? A scholarship?

Don’t think it won’t hurt her. Much more subtle messages have been interpreted by decision-makers to girls’ detriment in school and out. Everyone who is reading this blog has been positively or negatively judged for something she or he said or did or wore.

It’s about your daughter’s credibility beyond the sex label she’s wearing because of a T-shirt. And, more deeply, it’s about her self-image and –respect because how others react to her affects how she sees herself. If your daughter wears a sex message printed large enough to be seen across a street, guess what comes back on her. As much as anything, girls care about how they are perceived by the world around them. It’s why, growing up, for example, we spend hours in the bathroom in front of the mirror and go to the restroom in groups.

The critical thinking is up to parents

I hope there are still 14-year-old girls who don’t understand the sexual innuendo swarming around them. But, as the ones making a majority of the purchasing decisions in American households, including buying clothes for their teen and ′tween daughters, moms do need the insight. And I’m not just referring to getting the sex joke. Help your daughter learn the effect of how she shows up in the world. In grad school I knew a 20-something college junior who undercut her credibility with professors by wearing cleavage-baring tops and carrying a key chain that said, “What I don’t have upstairs I make up for with great t _ _ _.” Her personal presentation should not have negatively affected her grades. But it did. (I don’t know of situations in which it worked to her advantage.)

In a National Public Radio interview Friday, Feb. 12, Willie Mays, reflecting on Jackie Robinson criticizing him for not stepping outside of baseball to fight for civil rights, said, “I went to the White House as a man, not a Black man.” The rules that judge people on appearance are old, mean, and here today. In response, let’s help teen and ′tween girls learn how to play the game of life to their great advantage. Mays said, in effect, “I’m a man like any other man.” His attitude helped him live beyond limiting beliefs. And girls can learn to embody the attitude, “I’m as credible and capable and successful as anyone.”

And of course they can be.

So here’s a starting point:

• Ask your daughter questions that will help her see the cause and effect of what she does.
• Ask her what she wants to gain.
• And ask her what she wants to avoid.*
• Be the parent.
• Love her for who she is.

And do your best to make good things happen.

*Thank you to Debra Benton for reminding me of the key questions, “What do you want to achieve? What do you want to avoid?” Benton’s most recent book is CEO Material.

Now through April 30, 2010, Pretty Brainy brings you the Campaign for Girls’ Greatness!

March’s Message: You Have a Heroic Mission

February’s Message: Follow Your Heart.

Hey, Girls, Pay Attention to Yourself! What Makes You Happy? What makes you happy now is a key to what you will be happy doing when you grow up!

Greatness Is about —

A girl moving her life in the direction of her aspirations. When a ′tween girl tells us that when she grows up she wants to be a rancher-rock star or a veterinarian and go to Paris, we want her to be able to see it through.

A girl realizing, despite life’s challenges and because of how she faces them —

• She is worth believing in.
• She has the ability to accomplish every step on the road to her goals.
• Her aspirations are worth the focus and determination needed to make them happen.
• She has a heroic mission. Given her individual talents, perspective, and experience, there are things that she, and no one else, will be able to do.
• The planet, given its challenges and problems, needs the brain power of all of our future leaders and thinkers, including hers.

Throughout the Campaign You’ll Enjoy —

Free Downloads, like posters and tip sheets to help ’tween girls become the best selves they are destined to be! Grab the first one now. You’ll find tips on how to be self-confident. Because at any age, self-confidence is the best thing you can wear.

Blogs and Articles on Self-Esteem in Girls, including great stuff by and about smart ’tween girls for smart ’tween girls.

Words of Inspiration for Young Girls to keep everyone moving toward her greatness! Girls of every age appreciate true inspiration so follow Pretty Brainy on

Savings on Smart Girls’ Apparel when you shop the Girls Clothing Boutique at prettybrainy.com. Click on Join the Club to register for savings and start showing the world you’re Pretty Brainy.

’Tween Fashion Insight. Because sometimes the right shirt or hairstyle really can put you over the edge into feeling you’ve just stepped into the best You there is.

Host a Pretty Brainy Trunk Show & Take an Active Part in the Campaign for Girls’ Greatness

Begin today. Check out the great benefits of hosting, including raising funds and awareness for a nonprofit organization whose work benefits girls, women and education.

Just for Moms and Dads

Take another Look at Your ’Tween Daughter. See How Pretty Brainy She Is.

The National Academy of Sciences reported in 2009 that girls in the United States are now equivalent with boys in mathematical achievement. But we need to keep developing the full range of skills in girls. It’s about whether they’ll be prepared, as they grow, to take advantage of the greatest range of opportunities in life. For insight on what you can do at home, see nasonline.org.

Get Your Pretty Brainy Desktop Wallpaper Here!

Right-click on an image below to save a full-sized version for your desktop!

Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz recently said in an interview with ForbesWoman, “If I had one goal, I’d have every young girl learn math to the point of college calculus, at least. If you can’t pass basic university math, you are closing yourself off to three-quarters of the careers in America.”

Bartz’s words go to the heart of the vision behind Pretty Brainy: to keep girls’ confidence levels up by showing them they can be accomplished in the subjects they need to fulfill their life’s aspirations. For every girl I know today who says she wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up, I know two women who wanted to be a vet, but changed direction because of the math and science requirements.¹ Goals and dreams unfulfilled lead to the self-disappointment that, in turn, can manifest in myriad problems with one’s physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological health. (The short list of examples includes obesity, low adult self-esteem, and underemployment (example: working as your spouse’s secretary rather than building your own career).)

The ForbesWoman article, “Mythbusters,” begins “Who says women can’t do math and science? Look at the top of corporate America.” Sixteen women executives with science degrees who are leading some of the largest companies on the globe are listed. They include Ursula Burns, CEO, Xerox, who began at the company as a summer intern. As CEO, Burns is the first African-American woman to lead a major American Corporation.

Burns and Bartz give our work at Pretty Brainy tremendous energy because they are among the women to whom we can refer ’tween girls who need a greater perspective on what they can do with their lives. The fact of their leadership and accomplishments boosts our vision of more girls pursuing science, technology, engineering and math (STEM). Those pursuits are among girls’ natural interests in the world, and Pretty Brainy was founded to help preteen girls discover the self-confidence, interest, and know-how they need to stay engaged in these subjects and, in the process, not sacrifice what it is to be a girl.

A Pretty Brainy Hand in Replacing Myth with Fact

I am passionate about helping girls connect with their life’s work, and they have to avail themselves to studies in math and science to find out what that work is. Among Pretty Brainy’s contributions to busting the myth is to change the perspective on ’tween girls. For example, we place our logo on the front of each Pretty Brainy girls graphic tee, which works to label girls “pretty” and “brainy” in balanced measure. When we entered commerce in December 2008, grown women bought Pretty Brainy graphic tees to wear themselves. I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Footnote

¹Yes, the low admission of women to vet schools began to change in the U.S. and Canada in the late 1970s. In Aug. 2009, women comprised nearly 82 percent of those admitted to the College of Veterinary Medicine at Colorado State University (College of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences, Colorado State University). That number is on par with vet schools nationwide. But, at the same time, the percentage of women has increased in part because the number of male applicants has declined. See the Canadian Veterinary Journal, vol. 44, no. 7 (July 2003): 533–535.

Includes a guest appearance by CEO Heidi Olinger on Steamboat Today, Steamboat TV 18’s morning show hosted by the beautiful Harper Louden. Harper and Heidi talk about the inspiration behind Pretty Brainy^® and where ′tweens and parents can purchase Pretty Brainy goods. CEO Heidi Olinger on Steamboat’s Morning Show, Steamboat Today

Pretty Brainy also enjoyed coverage in the Sunday, October 11, edition of the Steamboat Pilot & Today. The story includes an interview with Tahnee Miller, pictured left, co-owner of the historic Lyon Drug, the newest retailer where Pretty Brainy^® is available.

Heidi’s ′Tween Note: Steamboat Springs, Colorado, has been one of my favorite places on Earth since I was a ′tween because there I saw the wide open possibility for having an adventurous and interesting life. In Steamboat I could dance and ski and ride a horse. I am honored that, in our home state of Colorado, Pretty Brainy^® is first available in Steamboat Springs. And in being appealingly retro to both locals and visitors, Lyon Drug has an old fashioned photo booth and soda fountain where cell phones happily are not allowed.

I hope you enjoy reading my weekly blog! It is fun to write! I think everyone should do it if they like to!

Last time I filled you in on what I was doing for my birthday party! It was awesome! We had a coronation ceremony that would blow your mind…

It went just like I was expecting it! We had dancing and singing and all the girls were so talented! We had dinner (with a lemon cake and pink meringue frosting) and then danced some more. We played mini putt-putt golf in the dark with glow-in-the-dark golf balls and light sticks. We went to bed very late.

My friends Sierra and Audrey stayed up all night! In the morning we did ghost hunting and did not find any ghosts. It was sooo sad to have my friends all leave. I never wanted it to end!!

The next week was my real birthday; we went to our house in the mountains! We visited a hot springs and played mini putt-putt golf again! We took a four-mile hike around a lake and had a picnic lunch. Our friends threw a pot luck party and everyone dressed up in a Hillbilly theme. Some of the costumes were pretty strange. I love being outdoors and living near the mountains.

In the next few blogs I will tell you about when I visit my best bud/cousin Bella. My mom is going to submit a recipe in the Palisade peach festival, and I will tell you how it goes! I will also tell you about my first day of school.

Yours truly,

Gianna

Here is a typical conversation between the two of us on the subject of math:

Me: Patti, do you have homework?

Patti: Just math.

Me: OK, let’s get on it.

Patti: That’s OK. I don’t really need to know it.

Me: Sure you do. When you’re grown it will help you know how to manage your money. It’s good for practical stuff like balancing your checkbook.

Patti: My husband will do that.

Me (loudly agitated): Your husband! You don’t want a man managing your money — ever! You need to do that for yourself!

Patti told her social worker I was funny. She laughed at what I said, and her face broke open in a wide smile when she did.

And because the interaction was funny and happy and emotional for her, I hope she remembers our conversations, too. The best person to manage Patti’s life was always going to be Patti, no matter how fine a person she might marry.

Plenty of Pretty Brainy girls will never love nor major in math, but let’s show them how it can be as asset and tool in their lives. One of our goals at Pretty Brainy is to help ’tween girls know how to make math work for them so they have the self-confidence and interest to keep doing so throughout life. Preteen clothes and ’tween fashion are the media through which we are doing our part to make this happen.

To make the math problem-solving on our Pretty Brainy girls printed tees better and better, we have updated the “crib sheets” (i.e., concise notes for quick reference) to embrace a more practical, real-world view of math. Our basic math problem tells a girl that knowing how to do math will help her become a veterinarian or aviator, a singer or musician. Math for middle- and junior-high school girls gives the girl in the Pretty Brainy tee steps for working with percents and decimals in order to spend less and keep more of her money when shopping for accessories.

This “new math” feels energetic and zingy and will be available on our World-Class Fly Girl and World Champion Babe girls printed tees approximately mid-August 2009. Look for these in our online girls clothing boutique.

Those words have meaning when it comes to sparking and maintaining how girls apply themselves to math and science. The “real” part for parents and educators is showing girls the practical uses in life for math and science.

And children need to see the point behind the hours they spend in school.

A skateboard punk I once tutored (and who had been in a different school for every year of high school) got excited over the idea that she could devote her life to designing better skateboard parks. Her dad, with whom she identified, was an engineer, but Ali had never seen how her own inclinations toward math and science could lead to a life outside of school. For all of the focus in the United States on education, school too often ends up being about going to school.

There is a bottom line to this for everyone: given the severity of several issues Earth and its nations and communities are facing, why wouldn’t we nurture the brain power of all of our future leaders, thinkers and problem-solvers?

Presenting girls real-world experiences in and applications for math and science helps boys, too. The National Science Foundation’s (NSF) Gender in Science and Engineering Program has found that efforts that succeed in increasing girls’ interest in science, technology, engineering and math also boost boys’ interest. Importantly, the program has found that girls begin to form negative stereotypes about women professionals in math and science—and eliminate a rich array of career possibilities for themselves—as early as second grade.

According to Science Daily, research by Nadya Fouad at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee “has found evidence that confidence levels in math- and science-related tasks are lower for girls than for boys.” In September 2008, the publication quoted Professor Fouad as saying, “The relationship between [girls’] confidence and interest [in math and science] is close. If they feel they can do it, it feeds their interest.”

Those are points worth iterating: if a girl can do math, her self-confidence in math increases and when her confidence increases, so does her interest in the subject. It is important to underscore that as her confidence in her abilities in the subject rise, so does her self-esteem.

Last night I told six women at a gathering in northern Colorado about the results thus far of the UW-Milwaukee study. Their response? A wry, “No kidding.” The consensus was that the proof was nifty, but, hey, who doesn’t know this is how things are?

One of those gathered had been encouraged by a high school teacher to pursue chemistry in college, which she turned into a career. Another of us was told by a teacher she would never succeed in science. I was told to get my boyfriend to help me. Then I was thrown out of class. But both of us with the negative experiences earned A’s in the very coursework in which we were deemed failures. (And if you think that kind of attitude toward girls in math and science no longer exists, think again. NSF research tells a different story.)

In two and a half weeks school will begin again, and these women had gathered to plan an upcoming year of activities to ignite the interests of fourth- and fifth-grade girls in math and science. The group is external to the school system. They are women devoted to helping girls explore career possibilities in life they might not otherwise know if the group did not exist. It is GEMS, Gender Equity in Math and Science.

For 17 years the program has brought girls into one-on-one and group interaction with women who are veterinarians, meteorologists, archaeologists, mechanical engineers, obstetricians, environmental engineers, beekeepers, bankers, and more. The group is made up of mothers, educators, scientists, health care professionals. Everyone volunteers. By providing exploration opportunities in math and science, GEMS endeavors to motivate elementary school-age girls to continue with math and science classes throughout their school careers. Each year GEMS also awards a scholarship to a girl pursuing a college degree in science, technology, engineering or math.

Among the ways to raise powerful girls, encouraging their study of math and science is among the strongest. An NSF study on how to build your ’tweens self-esteem through performance in math and science is another subject that might not surprise the board members of GEMS. But it would have their appreciation.

For information on how to be involved in this fabulous organization, see gemsgirls.org.

As a final note, this week’s product development at Pretty Brainy included tearing apart and putting back together the math problem-solving presented on our girls printed tees. The result? We injected the feature with a lot more energy and zing by placing the math in real-world context. It’s the Pretty Brainy way of empowering adolescent girls, via fashion.

Hi, I am Gianna.

I have short hair and I am a pretty brainy girl! And I love working with my friends on photo shoots. Lastly I have been planning my birthday party for a couple of months now and it is finally time! My birthday coronation party is next week on Friday! All my fiends I invited can come and it will be all the fun in the world!

There will be a coronation and then a dance off and a sing off! And of course dinner in the Italian ballroom!

I will include you in more after the party!

-Gianna