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“You Are the Decision-Maker for Your Life”

— Pamela Cook, 2010 Woman of Vision Honoree

Introductory note: Displaying self-confidence is one way preteen girls can deflect bullying, or relational aggression, from mean girls. Because bullies of all stripes target those they think are weak, girls and women of any age who communicate self-confidence to the world are thwarting sexual violence and domestic abuse. For a post on how a parents’ self-confidence is a step toward teaching it to their preteen daughters, see “How to Raise a Self-Confident Daughter.”

A Woman of Vision

Tonight Colorado Women of Influence honors twenty-two women whose work in the world demonstrates that they are women of vision. Pamela Cook, who I nominated because of her work in launching Cut It Out, the national program that trains hair stylists to effectively intervene to stop domestic violence, is among the finalists for tonight’s top Woman of Vision award, and I am happy to tell the world why it was exciting for me to nominate Pamela.

Pretty Brainy CEO Heidi Olinger, Debra Benton, Mack Cook, and Woman of Vision Honoree Pamela Cook

When We Let Our Hair Down

The brilliance and insight of training exactly those professionals with whom we literally and figuratively let our hair down struck me when I first read about Cut It Out in a woman’s magazine years ago. I didn’t know Pamela then, and it was only this April when she and Debra Benton and I were driving to a woman’s forum at the University of Northern Colorado that I mentioned Cut It Out and how it was one of the smartest things I’d ever heard. Pamela is a stylist, and that’s when she said she had been instrumental in bringing the program to life.

The Woman of Vision awards presented an opportunity for Pamela to be honored, and here are excerpts from my nomination of her —

“People Find Safety in Their Hair-Dressers”

Cut It Out, a program of the Salons against Domestic Abuse Fund, launched in March 2003 when Pamela Cook took the podium to address an international gathering of salon professionals, educators, and the press. Cut It Out was designed to train salon professionals to recognize the signs of domestic abuse, to effectively intervene, and to connect those abused to appropriate local resources. Professionals and media representatives from 65 countries were present.

In introducing Cut It Out to the world, Ms. Cook was the voice and face that mobilized salon professionals and others in communities across the United States to take direct, effective action to stop domestic violence. Cut It Out recently celebrated 7 years of effective domestic abuse intervention and safely connecting abused people to resources within their communities. Ms. Cook summarizes her work as follows, “I am teaching the abusers, I am teaching the abused, and I am teaching the community.”

Ms. Cook was among the pioneers to train salon professionals to recognize the signs of domestic violence; properly intervene; create safe, open dialogue; and refer their clients to appropriate local resources for further help. She says the following about a salon professional’s unique position to help abused people:

“The salon is one of the few places abused people can get away and be able to talk. The stylist-client relationship is privileged. Body language is a big tool salon professionals use in the industry, and we have a short amount of time to turn clients around and make them feel better, look better and be more confident. People find safety in their hair-dressers.”

“You Are Not Going to Die because You Don’t Have the Love of a Man.”

Back home in Northern Colorado, Ms. Cook’s work of removing barriers, educating others, and advocating for people has helped the lives of her clients, their spouses (sometimes themselves the target of domestic abuse), and their children. Ms. Cook also makes domestic abuse a visible issue by —

• Distributing educational materials in public places accessible to everyone in the community.
• Presenting educational workshops to children in their elementary though high school years on issues of manipulation, control, what abuse looks like, self-respect, and properly setting boundaries.

Through Cut It Out, Ms. Cook’s message embraces the following:

• “You are the decision-maker for your life. You make the decision to either get out [of your abusive relationship] or die trying.”
• “The biggest thing I learned is this: ‘You are not going to die because you don’t have the love of a man. Love of self is far greater than the love of any other human being.’”
• “Bringing domestic abuse out [into the open] means more people can have a dialogue about it. Teaching the public how to understand the issue is significant — it’s not as easy as just saying, ‘I’m going to leave.’”

Cut It Out is the result of a partnership between Southern Living At Home, the National Cosmetology Association and Clairol Professional.



Pamela Cook (left) and Heidi Olinger at the 2010 Women of Vision Gala. Olinger nominated Cook for her work in launching Cut It Out.

Heidi Olinger is the founder, president & CEO of Pretty Brainy, Inc. She has been a journalist, marketing director, executive director, foster parent, and aunt. She also has assisted in teaching self-defense to women and girls through the program Model Mugging. “Being pretty brainy,” she writes, “is about believing in your capabilities and locating the self-confidence to act on your ambitions.”